I have never enjoyed looking for employment. Its just a pain in the ass honestly. I can remember at the ripe old age of 14 looking for my first job. I applied EVERYWHERE. Most places looked at me with the “Aren’t you cute, getting your first job” look. It took awhile but I managed to squeeze my way in to the fabulous world of grocery store bagging. This began my adventure into the real world where you worked and got money. If I’d only known what I was getting myself into.

So fast forward twenty years and a bunch of jobs later. Here I am applying to a ton of places again. Only this time, its a BILLION times harder than it was back in 1991. Every application I want to fill out online takes AT LEAST an hour to complete. And what is up with the personality tests that some companies make you take? I feel so pressured answering what I would do if co-worker A was complaining about co-worker B that I sometimes just say screw it and give up. I feel like that portion of the application process should be saved for serious candidates only. I’m not going to even fathom how many of those quizzes I took and never even heard from the place.

Present times have also made it impossible to follow up with any job you have applied for. Every time I speak to my mother & we talk about my job search she says, “Honey just make sure you follow up with people!”  What my mother has yet to fully realize is that times have changed since she was in the professional world. Companies want nothing to do with you until they’ve decided you are worthy of them wasting their breath in an interview. Most places I apply have ghost email addresses so you can’t follow up. And forget about even trying to get a phone number.

With all of the unemployed people in today’s society, its a wonder that more of us haven’t gone completely mad during this application process. If you are in the state of Massachusetts, you have to make the minimum of 3 job contacts a week to keep your benefits. If you are really trying to find a job you are making much more than that. Your job search has become your full time job. Now imagine working a full time job and not getting any results for all the hard work you put in. That, to me at least, is what my searching feels like. I apply and apply only to never hear a word from the places I contact. If I’m lucky, I may get an automatically generated email, but those are few & far between. Frustrating? You could say that’s an understatement.

So here I sit…educated,job searching, with my pretty framed bachelors degree staring down at me from the wall.  I sometimes feel like its looking at me with disgust. Or maybe I’ve just been staring at this computer for too long. Either way I know that I sometimes feel defeated by my job hunting. I want other people that are in the same boat as me to know that they are not alone. I’m right here fighting the application process with you. That’s all one can really do. Keep fighting and hope that maybe, just maybe, the next resume you send may be the last one you’ll have to.

Contrary to popular belief there are a few perks when you find yourself unemployed. You no longer have to set your alarm & dread it going off in the morning. Those Sunday night jitters that always come because you know your weekends coming to a close? Yup, those are gone. You can watch Rachael Ray everyday – because really what else are you going to do while you browse the web for jobs?

There is one little hiccup in all this free time you finally have that keeps you from fully enjoying yourself. It’s called an anxiety attack. At first you may not have them because you are still too in shock from the loss of employment & living in the land of denial. Time goes on though and soon you find yourself 4 months out of work and starting to really wonder if you are going to find another job. The pressure is on. People keep questioning you about your job hunting. “Have you gotten any phone calls or interviews? NO? Oh well, don’t worry it just takes time.” Sigh. Yeah it does take time…but will it happen before I’m out of benefits?

So this brings us to anxiety attacks. Panic is setting into the deep corners of my brain & making my body do funny things. Pounding heart for example. Feels like its going to jump right out of my chest sometimes. Tingling arms? Check. First time I actually thought I was having a heart attack. Oh and here is the best part of the anxiety – it leads to insomnia. I love my sleep. I love my bed & the rest if provides me. My brain, however, has now decided it would like to work 24 hours a day and not take any time to rest. So I lay awake most nights now, dozing from time to time, thinking way too many thoughts for very early in the morning.  I do get to see quite a few TV shows & movies during this time (I wish I could say they were quality but we all know how late night television is).

I guess all I can really do is deal with the consequences of my bodies reactions to my current situation for the time being. I practice yoga roughly 4 times a week, which should help. I’m trying to meditate. And I figured by sharing all my fears with you maybe my brain will relax a little & decide to take a lunch break.

So be forewarned people that are unemployed – it may not be happening now but at some point your brain & body will turn against you. You will think you are dying. You will feel like your life has no purpose. But don’t worry…I’ll be there with you to guide you through it.

Hi world, its Chrissy. Nice to meet you.

If you’ve read my “about the runt” then you know I am currently lacking a full time job. Its not the first time (and with the economy the way it is, probably not the last either) that I have been without full time employment. But to give you a general idea of how used to this I am, let me give you a brief history:

In the past 11 years I have been laid off from four full time jobs. I have been laid off from one part time job. And I worked for one company that was going down the tubes and I bailed – I would have been laid off from that place too had I stayed. Good times.

I’m not going to lie – some of those times the unemployment was great. I had money coming in and a leisurely life. But then the reality always hits – I need to find employment. The difference this time is that I’m 34 – which may not seem old to some of you but to me I feel like I’m carrying a giant clock around thats ticking at the loudest decibel possible saying, “FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING WITH YOUR LIFE!!”

So that leads me to where I am today. Married, educated, unemployed and trying to figure out what I want to do with my professional life. The only thing I’ve ever truly loved to do is write. I love writing. When I was in college I can remember waiting until the last minute & staying up all night typing a paper with music blaring in my ears. It was a rush to me – I loved it! And I might add, I always got good grades on those papers. It was just a talent I had – writing under pressure.

So right now I’m at the point in my life where my path seems to have different options. Do I go back to school for a Masters Degree in Journalism? Do I move to Boston or New York and try to find work there? (New York has always been a dream of mine…we’ll go into that another time). Or do I just look for another basic full time job to take and end up possibly miserable there, doing something I hate? (The latter is my least favorite option). Decisions, decisions. Looks like I’ve got some work to do…

Thanks for listening world & don’t worry this is only the beginning. Check back often for updates on my life and whatever I feel like writing about that day!